For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
