So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
