i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
