Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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