I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
