i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
