Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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