Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
