lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just crazy horny about you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
