Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
