I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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