i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
