It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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