Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
