guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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