I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
