Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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