At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
