You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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