Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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