What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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