you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
