So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
