I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
