I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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