But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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