Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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