I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
