im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So many bounce houses so little time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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