Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
pop tarts are not kleenex
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
