I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
