my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
