belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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