cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize