I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
