What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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