turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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