At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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