Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
