..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this just has baby written all over it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
