The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
