He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
