hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
