I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize