Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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