He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
