you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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