I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
