I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
