That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
