I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
