he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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