When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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