i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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