There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
