i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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