I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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