You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
