some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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