Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
