Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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