K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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