meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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