If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
