it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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