tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we should paint friendship bongs
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