went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
