They should really pass out barf bags in church
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
