I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
