my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
