I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
