she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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