My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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