I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
